2009-11-15T17:13:00.000-08:00

What is your darkest secret? Come on... we all have at least one!

I am trying to figure out what makes one's heart restless? Why is that that after years of peace and quiet we hit that ocean of emotion all of a sudden because of one event or one person? And we lose sleep, and we get back to that teenage state of mind when everything is fresh and new and exciting, but at the same time we also remember how hard it was back then. When we broke up with a boyfriend (or one broke up with you) we really "broke" and the world ended. Now, as an adult, I understand how all of those break-ups just really shaped up what I became, how I chose a husband, how I look at love. I set my bar, avoided some of the mistakes (since I already made them why burn myself again, right?).

So, why all of the sudden I turn into a teenager and develop a crush? What is missing from my life that I feel that urge to take risks (not that I will ever take them)? Why all of the sudden all that I have been building for years seems so small, and I feel like I made some wrong choices and I could have done better? I tell myself sometimes that we do get what we deserve. All of us think that for some rare parts of our lives (I think children are perfect) we should have it better - be prettier, have more money, a better husband, a better job. Because we think that we deserve it. Why? Why am I better than a woman right next to me? I know I am not.

You know, it's not always pretty when truth hits the fan. I am a talker, I believe in open communication. But I also believe that some things should be left unsaid (some for a few years, some forever). I have to express myself through words (since talking is what I do best), so I will write incognito, and if some of you recognize me - "all people and events are fictional" and you are wrong. I have to let this out of my soul, so I can finally breathe in and go on.

No Angel